This is a question I get constantly as a homeschooling mother. Most of the time I think "well, DUH!? How does ANYONE really "know" that they are learning?" Oh, right....they get a D+ on an English test right after the teacher got a speeding ticket that morning or they are "average" because they got great grades in one class, but failed another because they argued with the teacher.
When you fall on your face and break your nose, you will "learn" that you shouldn't skate around on the freshly waxed kitchen floor with new socks. When you get slapped with a late charge of $50 and the interest rate on your credit card goes from the 8.9% special to the "for normal instant gratification-ers" rate of 35.99% you might "learn" to pay your bills on time. There is no end to these types of lessons.
Our current "average" standard is to "test" and "measure" and for our children to memorize facts for one purpose...one short-sighted, momentarily milestone.....THE EXAM. That is so backward to the Realism of life.
Our family considers itself an organization of "LifeLearners" so the "tests" are every moment, every single day.
I have a story in mind here that has prompted this musing.
Daddy has the day off in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. So, we thought we would take the day rather leisurely and sleep in a bit (perhaps 8:30am vs 7:15am).
Our two children were making the usual noises in the living room. "That was MY spot!" "Where's green blanket and ducky?" .... "No, that's MY crossbow!" (a very elaborate, original structure made from Lego's). Girl's first words nearly every morning are "I'm Hungry, Mama!" I've discovered that bread is a quick precursor to breakfast and ... they can get it themselves.
They can turn the television on and watch "PBS Sprout" since they are 7 and 3. So I heard "Teletubbies" in the distance while I was working myself casually out of sleep.
So, Boy wanders into the bedroom about 9:00am, gives me a kiss on the nose and whispers "Mama! We have a surprise for you!" Here's what we found:
Our 7 year old and our 3 year old, without hollering at each other and working as a team, pulled out the silverware, china plates, matching placemats (*I* don't even remember where I put those!!!), glasses, set the table, poured water, made toast for me and, get this.....a ham sandwich for Daddy! ... AND managed to find "oranges" for garnish (the are actually lemons off of the tree from the backyard, but, SO WHAT!?!?!?) Oh yeah, they didn't break anything or make a huge mess (probably because they have "learned" that they are responsible for cleaning up their own messes).
Perhaps you think there is nothing so unusual about this. Well, here is what is particularly interesting....we don't set the table this way for our everyday family meals. So, it isn't like Boy has learned to set the table because it's his "job" at mealtimes. We have, however, experienced this treatment when we have been guests at other's homes or if we have had special holiday meals or have guests over. So, what prompted my children to get up and give us this special gift? Well, they LEARNED it somewhere and I *know* that this was never a specific, structure, "lesson" in our house. However, they have seen Daddy and I be kind to one another and make breakfast for each other and/or the family, you know.....everyday stuff. They have seen (and heard) us each own up to our mistakes and offer sincere apologies when necessary. In our very exclusive private school (the tuition is just the right price, too) we do not use any structured curriculum. I run quickly the other way whenever such things are offered or suggested or I am criticized because I don't use one. We are raising Leaders, not automatons.
Normal life is learning every moment. The "training" that is suggested in public schools that life is a series of "jumps" from test to test to exam to graduation to first job rejection to working 50 years to retirement at 67 and then death the following year is so oppressive and depressing! We have chosen to guide our children and lead by example. We are kind to each other and those around us. We stand up for ourselves, we work to protect those that need protecting from tyranny and abuse and we live our lives in love and joy. We realize, as a family that all of our seeking and yearning is useless until we learn that whatever we search for outside of ourselves will never be achieved until we can look inside and find it for ourselves, first.
This cute little table with toast for breakfast (and chocolate donuts for dessert) may not be such a big deal in First Grade, or "count" in other structure curriculum but it showed us without a doubt that our children have "learned" valuable skills. And they never had to stress out studying for The Test. This experience brought tears to our eyes and swelled our hears with pure joy. All of us.
How do we *Know* our children are learning? We talk with them. We communicate with them, we don't push them to "memorize" or "conform". Their integrity speaks for itself. And we learn from them as well.
We ARE "the changes we wish to see in the world".
~~The Mama
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